[I]n my mainline experience, no, I’ve never been Born Again™ because I’ve never had any single moment that was like that.
What I have had is a year-long constellation of moments. From memory I can identify all of them, date most of them, and time one of them to within a few minutes. No single point was decisive (not even the timed one, which involved a decision) – but the gestalt is. It hasn’t ended yet (I was saved; I am being saved; too soon to go on), but I can definitely single out a moment before which it hadn’t begun.And today I'm going to do so.
[What followed here was an excuse for why "today" meant "Saturday." It's been expurgated.]
It's odd that, even though I think in gestalts and constellations easily, I haven't ever really sat down to think about this constellation, even though I'm still living it. What have its moments been?
- Let's start with the very first: Christmas Eve, 2011. Driving faster than evolution ever prepared me to go through Pennsylvania (or maybe New York? Regardless, it was after dark), and discovering the last verse of "O Holy Night," and that I couldn't stop singing it. That was the first moment of my constellation. It's where this whole thing begins.
- Next moment was around February 17, when I saw my sister again. That was I think when I asked for the birthday gift she'd give me a month later.
- The discovery of St. John Chrysostom, and in particular the Paschal Homily.
- Buying that journal, after my birthday, and starting to keep it. (I've become lax in doing so lately, alas.)
- That one day in March where I started writing it and couldn't stop for hours.
- The final week before Easter, when I needed somebody to talk to about this stuff and glommed on H.
- Easter Sunday, 2012. Spent it attending Mass with Granny. What a disappointment.
- Finding the courage to start posting on Kathy Escobar's blog.
- There are a whole slew of moments in this one. Thank you, Kathy.
- Pentecost, 2012. When I revisited Valley for the first time in a decade, and missed out on a chance to thank somebody for it.
- Also the day when I picked up a book entitled Prayer on the way back. It made my top-ten list.
- Trinity Sunday, 2012. When I went to church, not back to it.
- Again, there's a whole slew of moments there too.
- The second Sunday after Pentecost, when I saw a baptism and got to say aloud some of what I'd only admired from afar.
- Reading. Lots of reading. And lots of responding to it.
Those will be the ones that I start writing about come Monday.